Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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