this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
