I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
i drank out of a bidet.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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