spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
