On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
