And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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