Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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