I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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