This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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