Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
