You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
