i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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