brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
from now on my penis is your penis
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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