he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
