it's too hot outside to masturbate.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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