apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
