Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
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