drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
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