you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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