i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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