Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
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I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
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And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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