Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Rumble strips road head = magical
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Blow job season was short but glorious.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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