Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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