Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
