if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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