My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
