If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Randomize
