Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize
