i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
