went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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