And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
