I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
