You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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