How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
