She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I will die if light touches me.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize