I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Is it penis luge time yet?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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