My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
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At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
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You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Someone signed my nipple.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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