My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
