What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
