I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
i came on her dog
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
