I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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