i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
