I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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