don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
