you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
