Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
