please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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