DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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