dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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