why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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