jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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