Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
