The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
