Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
