moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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