happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
