the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
