Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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