im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
