we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
