That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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