They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
