hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
