If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
