im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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