Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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