Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
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You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
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He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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