and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
