matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
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