True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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