She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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