YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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