As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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