This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Randomize
