Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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