oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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