I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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