Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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