you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
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after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
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I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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