Don't you send me to vm
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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